


Him and Him

by kuroi_hana



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky and Steve are both veterans, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, they are both morons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 23:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19756051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroi_hana/pseuds/kuroi_hana
Summary: Bucky Barnes, an ex-vet, has finally adjusted to civillian life with his best friend Steve Rogers, also another ex-vet, to whom Bucky may or may not have certain fluffy feelings. After catching Steve in a compromising position, Bucky runs away, and accidentally bumps into him on the street, nearly 8 months later. Shenanigans ensue, and this is the story of how two ex-millitary dumbasses finally learned to talk and deal with their feelings.





	1. Chapter 1

It was late night, and Bucky had no intention of getting out of bed. He stared out his window, and looked at the reflecting street lights. The gentle pitter patter of the rain calmed his nerves and knowing he had at least three knives strapped to him, concealed, lessened his tension. No matter how much time passed, his paranoia acquired through his service won't pass, and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry for it. He should probably eat. But again, the bed was too comfortable. And he was tired. It was a rough week.

***

_".......Steve?" he rasped, completely taken aback by the stranger that accidentally bumped into him the street. The stranger, blinked, his brow furrowed, and his expression suddenly turned into one of shock._

_"......Bucky?" he gasped, his half strung apologies forgotten. Bucky just nodded, and Steve just stared at him, and they fell into an awkward silence._

_The last time Bucky had seen Steve, he was carrying a bouquet of Roses and take out, and had opened Steve's apartment door to see him kissing a beautiful blonde woman. He had just stared, gone numb, unable to comprehend what he was seeing._

_He had finally decided that he was gonna suck it up, and confess his goddamn feelings. He stared at the two, and in his shock he dropped the container of takeout onto the floor. The pair suddenly jumped apart, and Steve, looking towards Bucky, flushed to his roots._

_"Buck....-" he started to say, but Bucky didn't want to hear anything. He turned on his heel, and ran. He felt constricted, like he was simultaneously falling and was being closed into a small space. Blankly, purely through muscle memory, he got to his apartment, only to realize he still had the boquet of roses in his hand. He threw it into his trash, and ignored the repetitive buzzing of his phone. And he ignored the knocking on his door, a few days later. He ignored the calls, the messages, until he couldn't take it anymore, and moved to a different apartment, and changed his number._

_It's not like he had much connections with other people, outside his work in the VA. Sam was off vacationing with Riley, and didn't get to know the situation until about two weeks later. Months passed and Bucky slowly learnt to deal with his humiliation and his unrequited love, until now._

_***_

"Well, uh....... " Steve's voice bought Bucky back to the present from his flashback, and he nervously smiled. "I gotta go, I'm late. See ya." he waved, and started to speedwalk away from steve. "Bucky, wait! " Steve exclaimed, and grabbed his right hand.

He turned around, and glared at steve. "Let go of my hand." he growled. Steve quickly let go, and held both his hands up, apologetically. "I'm sorry, I just....... Bucky, where were-what-I'm.......Oh god, I have so many things to tell you. Can we talk?.....Please?...." Steve looked at him, with his heartbroken expression that once Bucky used to joke about, telling how he looked like a sad Golden Retriever when he did it.

Bucky could feel his resolve crumbling inside, looking at those cornflower blue eyes he missed, and hasn't stopped dreaming of, even after 8 months of last seeing them. He sighed, and closed his eyes. "Fine. We can talk. I get off from work at 5.00." he muttered, glaring at the sidewalk.

Steve literally lightened up after hearing that, and smiled brightly. "Okay! Meet me at our usual coffee shop then? I'll be there" he grinned. Bucky nodded, and then Steve waved, and went away. He was thankful that steve didn't ask for his number, because he wasn't ready for that. Not yet.

Bucky breezed through his work, and he could actually feel how Sam was radiating concern in waves around him.

"Are you sure you're alright? You look kinda off today, Barnes. Maybe you should go home, get some rest. " Sam said, pointedly glancing at Bucky's hands which were twitching with nerves on top of the documents he was working on.

"I'm fine, Wilson." he sighed, for the umpteenth time. "Just a lot goin' on in my head right now. And speakin' of, I think there's someone you gotta go meet right now. " he nodded towards the doorway of the voice, and smiled.

Sam turned his head, and saw Riley waiting outside, with some takeout in his hands. "If you wanna get rid of me so badly, all you gotta do is ask, Barnes." Sam laughed. Bucky chuckled, and shooed them away from his office, after promising that no, he won't overwork, he'll get home and get some sleep.

After closing his office, he nodded to a few vets and staff he saw along the way, and walked out of the VA building. Lost in thought, he barely noticed where he was headed, until he was right outside the Coffee shop.


	2. Chapter 2

He hadn't been to this shop since "The Incident", as he called it inside his head. The shop used to be one of their favorite haunts, the perfect place for them to kick back and relax after a long hard week of work and dealing with their nightmares, PTSD, Insomnia, etc etc. He wasn't too keen on the proper terms, because personally, he didn't give a shit. He was fucked up from the army, and so was Steve, and yet they were still somehow functioning people.

The cozy lighting in the cafe, the chintz covered, mismatched couches and chairs, the vintage lookalike furniture with an actual record player playing old airs and the smell of fresh brewed coffee and baked goods; good god, it was absolute heaven on earth. It also helped that they had a huge stack of books in every nook and cranny for customers to read, and was run by a charming old couple called Peggy and Angie.

The first time they had walked in, Steve had taken a fancy to Peggy, taking note of her spitfire and bombshell attitude, and had started playfully flirting with her, while Bucky and Angie had started betting on Steve's success with a 75 year old woman who was married for more than 50 years to the love of her life. That place, it had felt like home, to Bucky, and standing outside, lost in his memories, made him realize how much he missed it.

He took a deep breath, and walked into the Cafe. The doorbell jangled, making his nerves jitter, and he was grateful to see that the place was quite deserted except for a few smattered customers. A young boy he hadn't seen before, with brown hair, whose nameplate read "Peter P. " was behind the cash register.

Bucky looked around the shop, and saw Steve, seated in their usual spot, near the very back of the shop, doodling something in a notebook. The sight made his heart ache. He walked towards that spot, making sure to clear his throat and let steve know of his arrival. Steve absently glanced up, and noticing Bucky, smiled widely, and closed his notebook.

"Hey Buck. I ....-uh, ordered for both of us, hope you don't mind. " he said, gesturing to the black coffee and the eclair left on the table, along with Steve's empty mug of coffee. Bucky nodded, and sat down in a chair opposite from Steve's, maintaining a bit of a distance. He was internally reeling from the fact that Steve still remembered how he liked his coffee, and didn't want to take anymore chances.

Steve noted the distance, and although his smile dimmed a little, he didn't say anything. Bucky slowly took a sip from his coffee, and regarded steve over the brim of his cup. It was then he noticed that Steve looked tired and a bit haggard, with dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept properly in a long time. His shirt was rumpled, his jeans stained, and his shoes had definitely seen better days. He also looked scruffy, and looked like he could use a good trim.

Steve shuffled around his chair for a bit, letting Bucky look at him, and finally spoke. ".....I don't want to beat around the bush, bucky. I don't know quite what happened, except i know something did happen, and you were gone. You literally disappeared into the wind, before I could even understand what just happened. I tried to contact you buck. Why didn't you talk to me? What happened?"

Bucky set down the cup slowly, and looked at Steve. "There was nothing to talk about, Stevie." The old nickname slipped out accidentally, but Bucky marched on. "I was trying to surprise you with some dinner that day, and I didn't know you had some company over. " he shrugged, nonchalantly, trying to act like he wasn't bothered by any of it. Steve glared at him, and Bucky was suddenly reminded of the small, barely 5'4'' tall, 90 pounds soaking wet Steve Rogers, the one who didn't back away from a fight in high school, and always fought for what he believed was right.

"Right. Then what about that bouquet of roses you brought in, Buck? Or what about all those dates we went to? Our friendship? Everything? Didn't they mean anything to you?" Bucky was now royally pissed, and he glared back at steve.

"You're in no position to talk, Mr. I-can-kiss-whoever-I-want-Rogers. I could ask the same thing back atcha, pal. One day you were flirtin' with me an' goin on dates with me, and then the next day you're snogging some dame like what we had don't even matter!" Steve blinked, in shock, before facepalming and groaning loudly.

"Ohmygod, I'm soo gonna kill Sharon for this." he muttered under his breath, while Bucky looked on, confused. Steve sighed loudly, and looked tiredly at bucky. "Look, you never gave me a chance to explain, buck. Just hear me out, okay?. Remember Maria Hill, from Special Ops? " Bucky nodded. She was a damn good agent, and they had worked together on a few ops, long ago. They maintained contact, even after they got retired from the army, which was a tad bit hard since she was still on active duty.

"Well, maria was dating this girl called Sharon and they were together for a long time. And then they got to know that Maria was deployed for a long op without a specific time frame, and Sharon got pissed, because apparently they had just discussed moving in together, finally. She came over to my house, drunk, and then while I tried to reason out that Maria wasn't trying to get away from her, Sharon drunkenly tried to kiss me. That was when you walked in. And you ran away before I could explain. Sharon was pretty embarrassed after she got sober, amd she apologized for it. I tried looking for you, to explain, but well......obviously that didn't work out. " he laughed, humorlessly.

Bucky stared at Steve. And stared. And stared. God, it was fucking embarrassing. He had acted like such a drama queen over what? A simple, goddamn, misunderstanding. He wanted cry and puke and laugh from relief, although maybe not at the same time. He could feel his cheeks starting to warm, and started to fidget in his seat.

".......I........I'm sorry Steve. I didn't know. And you were right. I didn't give you a chance to explain, and I ran away like a coward." He saw steve open his mouth to argue, and held up a hand. "Regardless, I did what I did, and I'm sorry about it. I was scared, Stevie........I'd rather walk through another warzone and have another IED go off on my right arm too, than lose you." He looked up at Steve from beneath his lashes, and saw the small smile he had his behind his hand, and how his eyes were twinkling for the first time that day.

"Bucky, when you disappeared on me for 8 months, it's what made me finally realize how much you mean to me. So, I'm gonna say this right, because it's now or never.

James Buchanan Barnes, I'm in love with you.

I have been, since the first time you defended me in the schoolyard, from bullies, even though I had 'em on the ropes. And quit rollin' your eyes, you know it was true. " Steve chuckled, fondly. Bucky smiled, relieved, glad to know his sentiments were finally returned.

"I love you too, Stevie. Always did. Even when you were still a small punk who didn't even know how to throw a punch." Steve let out an offended squawk, and Bucky laughed out loud, relieved, for the first time in 8 months.

He leaned into Steve's space, giving him plenty of time to back out if he wanted to. But Steve just smiled wider, and leaned forward, and kissed him on the lips. It wasn't anything deep or sexual, just a small peck of lips, but it was perfect, for Bucky. That was, until,

"FUCKING FINALLY!!!!"

A woman's shriek jolted them apart, and they looked over to where they heard the voice. Angie was leaning onto Peggy's arm behind the cashier, and both were smiling wide, whilst Peter just stood by the side looking confused. Bucky and Steve looked at each other, and laughed, while both were blushing red from equal parts of embarrassment.

***

Bucky stared out the window, still lying in his bed, smiling wide at the memory. An arm snaked around him from behind, and he lay back in contentment. Steve sleepily snuffled, and then let out snore. Bucky just chuckled softly, and grasped Steve's hand in his own. Food can wait. It had been a rough week, but he was finally where he belonged, with Steve. Just him and him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, done. I was initially planning to go upto 5 chapters, but I ran outta ideas and energy halfway through. Sorry guys. ＼(￣▽￣;)／. Anyways, comments, suggestions and Kudos are always welcome. 💕


End file.
